Thursday, September 20, 2012

Somewhere to Belong

I've been thinking a lot lately about finding your place in the world.  For some it's a natural thing; you fall into place like the last piece of a puzzle.  For others, the piece is blue cloudless sky, and it feels like you'll never find where it goes.  I find myself more concerned with the latter.

I make a concerted effort to keep emotion out of my interactions online.  I know that I have a tendency to get maudlin and I don't find that to be an attractive trait.  This post is going to be a departure for me in that regard, and so I apologize in advance.

I sometimes feel like I'll never find where I belong, from a social standpoint.  There is no group with which I can identify and find commonality, or at least not one I've found yet.  Part of my problem comes from the fact that (Emo Alert Red) I don't really have any super close "BFF"-style friends.  I am a man with several close acquaintances, but no real friendships outside my marriage.

I've tried on many hats in my time.  I've tried to be the pierced guy, the hipster, the gamer, the technologist, the church-obsessed, the atheist, the drinker, the teetotaler.  None of these have proven to be a perfect fit.

Why is it so important to me to find a group to belong to?  I'm not entirely sure, but part of it is knowing there is a community that I have something in common with.  I feel like the lack of a defining community makes me more susceptible to the influence of those around me, and makes me a person with interests that can born brightly for a while, but sputter out eventually.

Maybe there is a way for me to find the group to which I belong, and if so, I hope I find it soon.  Not knowing is lonely.

1 comment:

Sheena Thompson said...

I think it is perfectly normal to have a need to find a group where you fit in. I've known you most of my life, and I've seen most of the hats you've worn. Maybe just being yourself, without all of the extra things to try to fit in, and see how that goes. I've found that just being me has worked out better for me. I have 3 or 4 real friends outside of my relationship, but I spend most of my time either alone or with Alex. Either way, I'm happy. Maybe you just have to find your own happiness before you spend too much energy trying to find somewhere to fit in.